I met my now husband about 6 years ago. It wasn't the smoothest pickup line I had ever heard, "Do you like oranges?", but that what was made me take notice. We dated for a little over four months before he proposed at Disney World (My first time ever having been there, and hopefully not last). Without hesitation, I said yes. I'm sure my family and friends thought I was crazy for moving so quickly into the engagement. I can't help but feel like they were disappointed and worried that I would never have any children of my own. (My husband had a vasectomy while he was married to his first wife.) It was very important to me the that his two girls (then 6 and 10) were comfortable with our relationship. As we were showing them the pictures of Disney they flipped through (and almost right past) the picture of Gary down on one knee, holding my hands, and looking right into my eyes. When we asked if they knew what that meant, Bailey said "EWW, GROSS!" while Shae's eyes got big and a smile slowly stretched accross her face as the significance of that pose set in. We had to explain to Bailey what was really going on in the picture (I am still not sure to this day what she first thought was going on). We asked them how they felt about it and if it was ok with them. We would have slowed down and given them more time if they needed or wanted it. Thankfully, they both got excited and felt as happy as we did.
This blog will describe a series of events throughout the past 6 years as well as current events that have shaped the relationships with my stepdaughters. As stated in the welcome message, this is a project with one of my stepdaughters. She will be posting her perspective on her page www.perfectstepdaughter.blogspot.com. I am thankful for the opportunity to work on projects with her that will last even after she returns to Michigan at the end of the summer.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Chicken Noodle Soup for the Stepdaughter's Soul
This following event is the inspiration for this blog.
It was supposed to be a quick trip to the grocery store. My husband, stepdaughter, and I went to the store to pick up what we needed for dinner. I had asked my 12 year old stepdaughter who has come to stay the summer with us if she needed anything for lunch over the next few days. She said she wanted chicken noodle soup. I knew she liked it because she had just devoured a bowl of it at Panera that afternoon. However, instead of just picking out a normal can of soup, she picks the most expensive can of soup (you know, the kind for the working adult 3 minute lunch break and costs twice as much as the regular can because of the "convenient packaging"). I gave her the "really" look. That's when the oh so familiar, "but, I" started. "but I love this kind" "but I've had this one before and really liked it" "but I WILL eat it". So, like many times before, I tried to pick my battles and reluctantly bought the soup.
A few days later, she wanted to have the soup and a hot pocket for dinner. She heated it up, eyed it wearily, and ate one spoonful. That's when I heard, "Uggh..I don't like it!" That's when the battle began. "Oh, no. You are going to eat it! You made a big scene and had to have it. So, now you can eat it." "But this has mini noodles..I don't like the mini noodles!" "Well you should have thought of that BEFORE you made a big deal at the store." Now, I know you are thinking.."Evil Stepmom strikes again!", but you haven't spent as much money on clothes, music, pens, etc as I have following the same pattern as the store incident as I have. So, not wanting her to miss the point again, I told her she had to have it, then she has to eat it. She sat for an hour playing with it with the same pouty face I have seen so many times when I didn't buy the object of her immediate obsession. Hoping she had learned her lesson, I sat down to talk to her about it. I asked what she had learned from all this, to which she replied, "Read the label next time". I told her that wasn't quite what I was getting at. The she smiled a wry smile and said in that 12 year old tone, "This isn't the first time I have had to do this with food I didn't want to eat." Frustrated, I told her that this method has not yet taught her the right lesson then and let her sit there 10 more minutes to think about it. When it came down to it, I told her the lesson was not to "but I" to get what you want and then through it away when you get it. She had to promise to accept my answer of "No" when an item is too expensive or unnecessary in exchange for dumping the soup down the disposal. Next time she wants an impractical item all I have to do is iay, "Remember the chicken noodle soup?"
Check out the other side of the story on Stepdaughters point of view
It was supposed to be a quick trip to the grocery store. My husband, stepdaughter, and I went to the store to pick up what we needed for dinner. I had asked my 12 year old stepdaughter who has come to stay the summer with us if she needed anything for lunch over the next few days. She said she wanted chicken noodle soup. I knew she liked it because she had just devoured a bowl of it at Panera that afternoon. However, instead of just picking out a normal can of soup, she picks the most expensive can of soup (you know, the kind for the working adult 3 minute lunch break and costs twice as much as the regular can because of the "convenient packaging"). I gave her the "really" look. That's when the oh so familiar, "but, I" started. "but I love this kind" "but I've had this one before and really liked it" "but I WILL eat it". So, like many times before, I tried to pick my battles and reluctantly bought the soup.
A few days later, she wanted to have the soup and a hot pocket for dinner. She heated it up, eyed it wearily, and ate one spoonful. That's when I heard, "Uggh..I don't like it!" That's when the battle began. "Oh, no. You are going to eat it! You made a big scene and had to have it. So, now you can eat it." "But this has mini noodles..I don't like the mini noodles!" "Well you should have thought of that BEFORE you made a big deal at the store." Now, I know you are thinking.."Evil Stepmom strikes again!", but you haven't spent as much money on clothes, music, pens, etc as I have following the same pattern as the store incident as I have. So, not wanting her to miss the point again, I told her she had to have it, then she has to eat it. She sat for an hour playing with it with the same pouty face I have seen so many times when I didn't buy the object of her immediate obsession. Hoping she had learned her lesson, I sat down to talk to her about it. I asked what she had learned from all this, to which she replied, "Read the label next time". I told her that wasn't quite what I was getting at. The she smiled a wry smile and said in that 12 year old tone, "This isn't the first time I have had to do this with food I didn't want to eat." Frustrated, I told her that this method has not yet taught her the right lesson then and let her sit there 10 more minutes to think about it. When it came down to it, I told her the lesson was not to "but I" to get what you want and then through it away when you get it. She had to promise to accept my answer of "No" when an item is too expensive or unnecessary in exchange for dumping the soup down the disposal. Next time she wants an impractical item all I have to do is iay, "Remember the chicken noodle soup?"
Check out the other side of the story on Stepdaughters point of view
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